Went to the gym for the first time in ages yesterday. Wanted to do the larger exercises to hit multiple groups of muscles, like deadlifts for example. But I also didn't want to over do it, as I was "out of practice". So today, I was able to get out of bed properly, which was nice. See if that'll happen tomorrow too.
But it felt good to be there. See how long it'll take to get back, two or three days. All depends on how bad the after affects get I guess :P
Finished the main story in GTA5 yesterday too. But as I'm only at around 65-70% complete, I'm guessing, there is alot more to do... or that percentage also counts towards if you get top marks in all the missions... which I have not.
Some of the missions are realy hard, others are easier. But when you don't know what the end score will take it's points from, it's hard to get it right. Like how many headshots you need, if you are allowed to scratch the paint on what ever vehicle you are driving or how long a mission is allowed to take. It's only after you are done that you find these things out. But don't you worry, you can go back and do them again... just haven't bothered so far.
I'll go back later, after I own all the property in the game, have all the skills at max and have the coolest cars and pimped them out. That alone will take some time.
Alright, time for something less fun.
Something that isn't about gaming, gym, studies or the usual drable I write here on the blog.
It's something that has been weighing heavily on me for a while now. Usually, it doesn't get in my way or hinder me in my daily life. But when it does come up, it's not fun.
I feel alone.
It's that simple realy. A feeling that noone likes, everyone has felt at some point and that is a pain in the ass.
But the worst part is, that I often get this feeling, when I'm with others. When I'm at parties or at a pub or something, that's when the feeling pours down on me like a cold waterfall. I don't let it show, cause that would bring anyone around me down, and I'd never be invited again, and I do need those few social meetings in my life.
But everyone I know, has someone in their life. A "significant other", girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife. And don't get me wrong, I don't realy envy them, but I do want what they have too. I'm happy for them, that they found that. I just wish I could find that too.
It's been three years since I had a significant other. Since then, I've been with close to (had sexual contact with) a total of zero people.
Yea, I do not find it simple to get someone. I can lay the blame on a number of things, a few of them actually contribute, but in the end, I just suck at speaking with the opposite sex.
For awhile, I tried the online version, but my experience with that, is that women online, are more shallow than most men. That or I just look horrible in photos and I'm not an asshole.
And by asshole, I mean that. I've heard alot of people change their whole behaviour to become a douchbag and asshole, and women throw themselves at them.
I have a year and a half to 40, I am not gonna pretend to be some asshole. And I don't like assholes, so why should I pretend to be one, and why pretend to be someone else just to find love? That means the relationship is built on a lie.
I hope noone wants that.
Shit, that became a little more than I had planed.
But it's okay.
I guess I don't have anything else for now...
Cya
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